Day Before Departure

I'm not what you might call 'brave'.

On the contrary, I'm quite cautious.

Reluctant.

Hesitant.

Shy.

And if you wanted to be a bit mean (although, not wholly inaccurate) - cowardly.

So why am I up-rooting my life, leaving my family, my friends, giving up everything that I know, for the unknown, the scariest thing I can think of?

Honestly, I'll let you know when I find out.

But I'm pretty sure it has something to do with being stuck. It's the way I've felt for a very long time now, and it's truly awful. I don't know what I'm doing with my life. I consider myself lucky beyond reason in some aspects- namely my aforementioned family and friends, but definitely lacking in other areas.

Career? I have no idea. Honestly. I had a wonderful time in college, and do not, I repeat, DO NOT regret my time as a theatre major. I met truly lovely people and I had a grand ol' time. But do I plan a career in theatre? Eh, not really. I gave it a bit of a try. I did some work for community theaters, as well as some student films and webseries. But it didn't feel right, and while it had moments of fun, the overall experience wasn't really that enjoyable for me. 

So there I was. That dreaded moment when you realize you might have gotten the wrong degree. Poop. 

The idea of teaching English in Japan goes back a long way for me, probably around the beginning of high school. I became very interested in Japanese history and culture, and started taking Japanese language courses at the local community college.  I always thought that going to Japan, living and working in Japan would be 'cool' but I don't think I ever thought I'd actually do it. Just something in the back of my mind.

 After realizing I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life (again), I looked back on old ideas, things that made me happy, and again the idea of teaching English in Japan came up. Sort of on a whim one night I googled "teaching English in Japan", and literally the second link that pops up is the homepage for a company named AEON. It's a Japanese business, not affiliated with their public school system, but more like a tutoring company, focused solely on English lessons. Being fluent in Japanese or having any teaching experience were not requirements, just a Bachelor's Degree. I clicked a link for a layout of the average teacher's apartment and thought it was silly small, but very cute. They do recruiting from their Los Angeles office and I decided it could hurt to submit an application. There were many steps, many hurdles between submitting an application and actually getting a job, so I still wasn't too concerned. 

Fast forward to a couple months later, several hurdles passed, and I get a phone call saying they have a position for me in Tokyo starting in September.  I was plenty concerned, but still found myself saying yes.

And here I am, the day before I leave, and it's still surreal. Could I be making a huge mistake? It's possible, but I don't think so. I recognize that it's going to be very hard. Not only am I moving to a new country and culture, but it's also a brand new career path, all new people, new language, and I'm leaving everyone here that I love so much. The first couple months are going to be hard, possibly even suck. 

But what new job isn't hard? Anything is hard when you don't know how to do it. But they will train me and give me help along the way.

It's easier than ever to contact people back home. It's not like when my dad lived in Europe and got maybe one letter a month from his mom. 

I've been to Japan before, and I know a bit of the language already. I feel well prepared for the culture shock and am ready to accept it and just go with it. 

This experience is something I will carry with me for the rest of my life. Being there will be wonderful, and coming back will be wonderful. A year goes by quickly, so I have to make the most of it. 

 And maybe by the time I get back, the Wizard will have given me my courage.